why I'll never go on a first date
Hey, everyone! Hopefully life is going well for you guys
and if it isn’t, it’ll get better soon.
Today I wanna talk about my opinion on dating, something I rarely talk about on here. I’m not a huge fan of discussing my (for lack of a better term) “love life” which is kind of funny because I’m an open book with every other aspect of my life. I guess I’ve always kind of felt weird for how I view relationships, and it’s a perspective I’ve had basically since my first crush. But, I’m SURE there are a bunch of other people out there who feel the same way I do, so why not talk about it?
When everyone in middle school could “date” and have cute little “relationships,” I never could. Even then, I’ve just always placed a lot of significance on dating; if it wasn’t exactly how I’d imagined it, which was probably hand holding and going on the swings after recess, I would completely reject anyone’s idea of “dating” (still don’t know what that means to middle schoolers). I would do everything in my power to avoid any possible uncomfortable situations, which usually meant avoiding any boy who told my friends that he liked me. You know, classic middle school shit. Then I got to high school and didn’t get into my first relationship until senior year.
Yes, this was a real photo I made my
Facebook profile picture when I was 12.
College hasn’t been much different, that emphasis on “cut the bullshit,” meaningful relationships is just as present as it was as at 13.
Where the culture is all about being in the moment, I’ve always felt a little out of place, being on the other end of the spectrum; I can’t stand the fake, surface-level relations that I usually see being a college student. I have no judgement for people who can have meaningless intimacy, but it just does not vibe well with who I am.
I’m not ashamed, per say, of how I operate with guys, but it’s inevitable to feel “different” when most other people my age don’t see relationships, physical and/or emotional, the same way I do.
How does this have anything to do with first dates?
I would love to never ever go on a first date for the rest of my life. Let me tie all of this rambling together:
It makes me cringe to think of not knowing someone very well and being forced to have one on one time with them, all with the unrealistic idea of actually getting to know someone in a setting like that.
Because I place such gravity on choosing to share so much with a person, I can’t imagine not knowing them before a relationship forms. I believe that a huge factor (not only for me but for everyone) in having a deep and healthy relationship is to start out with some level of friendship. The majority of college students, I would say, are not looking for relationships past sex. But, like I talked about, that just has never been how I operate.
First dates are so daunting to me because you skip building a foundation WITHOUT expectations. If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship with someone, which is the only relationship I’ve tended to have or want, having a friendship first builds comfort and trust in a way that I don’t believe dating can do.
Throwing expectations out the window as friends but then possibly establishing them later on through a relationship seems like the best way to know what you’re getting yourself into.
I’m a very real person, I say what’s on my mind and don’t have much of an ability to lie. Going on a first date just seems to me like you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed when you get the chance to see this person unfiltered. Personally, I want to get to know someone enough that a relationship just comes about naturally. Is that too much to ask?! (Probably, yeah.)
I’d take a guy who already knows how to make me laugh in sweatpants just watching TV over a guy who takes me out to dinner with flowers and small talk ANY DAY.
For me, it’s all about cutting the superficial shit and just starting out being as candid as possible. I don’t wanna have to work backwards to then evaluate who a person really is, if there’s ever even an opportunity to see a candid version of them.
To any stranger who will slide into my DMs: Don't expect a response.
To anyone who thinks that Snapchat is the way to get to know me: I honestly don’t even like Snapchat so it’s not worth your time.
To any friend who ever wants to set me up: Hard no.
...then again, come back and talk to me in 10 years when I’ve joined a dating site and have given up on this “let it happen naturally” idea.