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my hiatus from love

August 1, 2017

I realized that I never really talk about my love life on here. I’m a super open person and have no problem sharing my experiences but two things have been holding me back...

1) My mom reads every single post I write (Hey, Mom… love you)

and

2) For the past year or so, I haven’t had much to talk about.

 

Minus a couple of occurrences (I don’t know what else to call them) here and there, this past year has been dedicated to myself. I plan on having a piece of this dedication to self-improvement with me for the rest of my life, but I finally feel like it doesn’t have to be my sole focus. Before, self-improvement was a much-needed driving force to keep my head above water. I finally feel like I can breathe a bit. So, what does this have to do with relationships? Lots.

 

You know how they say you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself? I think it’s a bit more complex than that, like most things are. I have never believed in the soulmate concept, destiny or fate. I believe that a lot of things have to fall into place to allow a relationship to work well; a lot of those not being directed by some unseen force, but by yourself. I understand that now way more than I did, let’s say, a year ago.

 

It’s not as simple as saying, “Okay Ally, you love yourself. Now go find a man.”

 

First off, “loving yourself” isn’t a constant, be all end all goal. I think a better way of describing what you should strive for is a commitment to self-improvement. It’s like saying, “Hey, I can always find ways to treat people better and I can always find ways to treat myself better.”

 

Second, no one ever found someone by just deciding to find someone. It amazes me how people can bounce from guy to guy or girl to girl as if it means nothing. That’s one of the many reasons college and I don’t click super well… It takes a lot for me to fall for someone and, consequently, it takes a lot for me to get over someone. I’ve accepted the fact that I will be the long-term, far and few between relationship type of girl.

 

There is no right way to go about relationships or love, just like there’s no one way to be happy. But, something I’ve learned is that I can fall for someone without losing myself, or my drive for self-improvement.

Everyone at my work makes fun of me because they know I don’t date much like a normal 19-year-old would, especially one that just finished her first year in college. But I think my hiatus from love has been critical. It’s like the phenomenon of dreams; they act as a way for your brain to process the day before awaking for another one. I’ve been processing and analyzing so that I can wake up ready for the next day. This goes beyond my love life; self-reflection is one of the most important keys to happiness. And that’s what love should be, right? Another way to discover facets of happiness?

 

ally  

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