It's funny looking back on my dreams from over a decade ago, to the beginning of high school, to now. I used to think that as you got older, things made more sense, life became more organized, and the world was separated into opposites; right and wrong, yes or no, should or shouldn't... everything had its place. But, what I've come to realize is that everything just gets more complicated.
I often talk about how I had my whole life figured out up until this past September. I wrote a whole article called No One Prepared Me To Hate College through the Odyssey where I criticized and condemned how we instill this idea in kids that college is the be all end all; the peak of your life. I think one of the reasons that college hit me so hard was because it was the first time in my life where I was forced to just live. Sure I could make plans, join clubs, meet new people... but, for the most part, I had no idea how my college career was going to shape out, let alone what I would do after college.
It's like how some students are incredible test takers... they can ace any test that's put in front of them. This is how they obtain unfathomable GPAs, crazy SAT scores, and get into whatever college they want. Then, they arrive at college and are asked to have original thoughts; their professors don't care if they can compute mathematics if they can't think for themselves. This leads to chaos.
I was really good at living my life plan. Get into a good private high school, compete on sports teams, participate in theatre and extracurriculars, get accepted and attend the best college I could... then I got to college and my life plan was complete. It was exciting until it wasn't. I didn't know how to live life without a plan. I think that's what hit me the hardest.
Where I'm going with this is that my dreams have changed a billion times; but, what hasn't changed, is the course I planned to go travel in order to figure out the holy, ultimately-prevailing dream that would become the rest of my life. Then I realized that dream doesn't exist. So, instead, I've learned to settle with the ever-changing, ever-exciting dreams that pass through my head. Maybe one will stick, maybe five will. But, it isn't really settling if I pursue something I'm excited about.
What does this mean? I've learned to accept that having dreams and more importantly, engaging in as many dreams as possible is a key to being happy. Anything that excites you is worth pursuing.
۞ ally ۞