Being home has made me SUPER nostalgic. Every time I come home I get a flood of memories and happiness, but I also get really sad knowing I will never get that life back.
It's different this time, though, because I feel like my life isn't here anymore. I feel a sense of detachment--my home doesn't feel like my home, my high school doesn't feel like my high school... it just doesn't feel like my life anymore.
It's not that I haven't felt this distance before when I visited, but this time, instead of feeling like I'm on the outside looking into my old life through a glass window, it feels like I've made myself a home somewhere else. I get to see my best friends and get a glimpse into their lives over coffee and they get a glimpse into mine.
Nothing has really changed here, but coming back I'm a totally different person with different experiences. I've seen more of the world, a life beyond the one I knew for the past 18 years, and I can now imagine the rest of my life away from my childhood.
This isn't all necessarily positive; looking at the life I used to have and remembering when it was all so easy takes a toll on me every time. But soon I am going to be looking back at college and saying the same things. I think one of the most important skills you can have is to be grateful for the present. It's been a slow process, but I finally feel like I'm getting there.
۞ ally ۞