how to not have unfinished business
I think it's easy to go through life putting your burdens on other people, feeling like the victim, and cursing the cards you've been dealt. That's easy. It doesn't require any real strength, perspective, or empathy. It also seems like human nature. Blame others and not yourself. But, maybe the human nature part is really just taking the easy way out: why is our first instinct always to give in?
The answer, while there undoubtedly are many, is simple: if our natural inclination was to suffer a bit to be more honest, more caring, more genuine... everyone would be good. Not that there is one, 2-dimensional version of a good person; everyone is an infinite mixture of complex decisions that make up who we are. But if when things got hard and we had options, and we chose the one that would contribute to the greater good of both our world and ourselves... there would be no complexity. We wouldn't be able to tell who the truly strong people are.
And about 99% of the time decisions don't have a right or wrong choice; and sometimes you have to make decisions that better yourself rather than sacrificing yourself for others. There's no rulebook that marks what is right or wrong, good or bad. But you already know that. Anyone who makes it to adulthood can figure that out. No one is at the finish line with a medal when you do something you think is good, or just, or right. You get to decide what is right. You get to decide how you perceive the world in all of its complexity. You also get to decide how to change your situation.
You could be having the time of your life and something still feels off; you feel off. You'll look around and see the world with a veil of triviality. It's easy to give into this perception and if it were harder, no one would ever be depressed or suicidal. But one thing that has always fascinated me is how complex, like everything in our world, our minds are. And with this complexity, everyone wields a power to change that veil, to lift it and to regain strength. Yet, most choose to give in. Why fight pain or hardship or self-pity when it's just so much easier to find cheap happiness?
Don't get me wrong, the strongest people aren't always the happiest. I've never been able to buy into the concept of "true happiness;" it doesn't exist in my book. But the people who can fight the urge to give in, those are the ones that have had to fight their own human nature to be able to find strength.
This strength is the key to understanding any form of happiness. Because without it, everything else just feels unfulfilling.
And if there's something we can all agree on, it's that no one wants to finish their life feeling unfulfilled. That's how we get ghosts haunting us.
۞ ally ۞