a piece written on May 24th, 2016


I wrote this on May 24th, 2016 after finishing high school about my first love. Thought I'd switch it up and throw in some of my other writing besides the typical posts I do. I ended up using this as a monologue for a character in the play I wrote. I think it's still relevant especially to anyone who has had a first love!

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I remember exactly when it changed. Right when I didn’t expect it, too, which of course is how it usually goes. It had been scattered conversations, occasional jokes directed my way--I didn’t think of him too much. But then I did. Then I thought of him more and more until he was all I thought about. And it started when he smiled. Of course I had seen him smile before but this time it kind of sparked something. I guess it was because I never felt like he smiled at me before, but then, he had. We were just having a conversation and yet he was looking at me more than he ever had. And I was doing the same. That’s when it changed.

A year can change a lot of things but that day hasn’t changed in my mind. While the idea of destiny and fate have always seemed like wishful thinking to me, I have begun to believe in a reversed concept. Instead of people being predetermined to show up and dramatically change the course of your life, I believe that who you encounter become a part of you. It’s random. It ensures that not only is each person’s existence an existence never before fathomable, but also that the course of one person’s life is formed in a way that could never before have been predicted. I remember that day as clear as yesterday but I can’t for the life of me remember who I was. He was my first everything. But most importantly, he was the first person to change me.

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۞ ally ۞

#love #my #first #firstlove #relationships #breakups

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